


Slow Down

by doctornineandthreequarters



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Eddie Diaz is Bad at Feelings, Established Relationship, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24625216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctornineandthreequarters/pseuds/doctornineandthreequarters
Summary: Eddie shouldn’t have been surprised that Buck dove headfirst into their relationship. He was like that with everything. He pushed himself to the limit to get back to work. He pushed himself past the point of exhaustion during the tsunami. He rushed into danger if someone else was in trouble. He jumped in headfirst when Bobby offered to teach him to cook.So, Eddie shouldn’t have been surprised that Buck was the same way with their relationship. But, Eddie wasn’t like that.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 12
Kudos: 318





	Slow Down

**Author's Note:**

> Idk what this is. I think it's good. Enjoy!

Eddie shouldn’t have been surprised that Buck dove headfirst into their relationship. He was like that with everything. He pushed himself to the limit to get back to work. He pushed himself past the point of exhaustion during the tsunami. He rushed into danger if someone else was in trouble. He jumped in headfirst when Bobby offered to teach him to cook. 

So, Eddie shouldn’t have been surprised that Buck was the same way with their relationship. But, Eddie wasn’t like that.

Eddie wasn’t great with emotions and expressing them. He could count on one hand the amount of times he had bought Shannon flowers. He could do dates, he could do romantic nights in, and he definitely excelled at the physical stuff. But everything else? Well, he was garbage at it. 

Buck wasn’t. Buck was affectionate, but Eddie already knew that. Before they started dating, they were always next to each other, a brush of the shoulder, a hand on the shoulder, a thigh pressing into the other. That didn’t change when they started dating. When they were at work, all that stayed the same. When they were off work, it was a different story. 

Buck held Eddie’s hand a lot. If they were driving, if they were hanging out on the couch watching a movie with Christopher, whenever he could take Eddie’s hand. He had once managed to hold Eddie’s hand while he cooked, which was oddly impressive. 

Buck kissed him breathless every time. It was like Buck thought that every kiss was going to be their last. And while Eddie thoroughly enjoyed it, it was a lot. And his brain was taking him to an overthinking place where he said things that came off as hurtful. 

They were in the kitchen when it tumbled out of his mouth. 

“Slow down.” They were working on dinner, pizza, which Buck had been excited to try to make since Bobby had taught him. Buck had taken care of the dough and putting the sauce on it. Then Christopher had dumped toppings on it, gleeful giggles as he did. And then, Christopher had gone to play in his room, leaving Buck and Eddie alone. 

They had been talking one minute and then the next, Buck had him pinned against the wall, kissing his breathless, muttering how much he cared about Eddie between kisses.

When the words tumbled out of his mouth, Buck almost stumbled away from him. Eddie immediately felt guilty when he saw the look on Buck’s face. His eyes, which had been so bright and filled with joy just seconds ago, were now full of sadness.

“Christopher is down the hall,” Eddie said, trying to not upset Buck more. “We don’t want him walking in here and getting upset or confused.”

“Why would he be upset?” Buck asked, momentarily confused.

“Well you have me against the wall and you’re kind of pawing at me,” Eddie pointed out. “He’s nine. He doesn’t see this kind of stuff.” Buck nodded, an uncertain look on his face. Eddie stepped closer to Buck and gently kissed him. “We can continue later. In my room. Where the door locks.” Buck smiled a little and Eddie kissed him again. Then, Buck went to deal with the food. 

Eddie knew he needed to talk to Buck. But the pain on his face when Eddie had said those words was enough to scare him off from it. He’d figure it out. 

Just not right now.

* * *

Eddie sighed as he opened his locker at the station. He was tired. Christopher had been up all night with a fever, so Eddie hadn’t slept at all. He wanted to hope for an easy shift, but he didn’t want to say it out loud for fear of cursing the shift, as had happened one too many times when someone commented on the calmness of the day. 

He opened his locker, stifling a yawn. As he put his stuff away and prepared to throw his uniform on, a small piece of paper caught his eye. He cocked an eyebrow as he unfolded it. 

_ Wishing we were on the same shift and missing you _ . 

He knew it was from Buck from the handwriting. He should’ve found it sweet. But it just reminded him of how quickly Buck was diving into this relationship while he barely skimmed the shallow end. 

“Whatcha got there?” Eddie stuffed the paper in his locker as Chimney approached him. “Getting love notes now.”

“I know Maddie’s snuck notes into your bag before,” Eddie countered and Chimney chuckled as he sat down to lace up his boot. “Can I ask you a question? Was Maddie like...I don’t know...all into your relationship right away?”

“Maddie and Buck are different people,” Chimney started. “And Maddie was dealing with something that made her hesitant to jump in. But I was patient.” Eddie nodded and Chimney tilted his head. “Why? Buck going too hard as your boyfriend?” Eddie swallowed, because yes, Buck was. But suddenly he felt awful for having this conversation.

“N-no.” Chimney raised an eyebrow. “I was just curious.” He quickly ducked away, both because he needed to change and because he could not be having this conversation right now. Chimney would tell Maddie and Maddie would inevitably tell Buck. 

This was something he was going to have to talk to his boyfriend about.

* * *

It all came to a head at their usual movie night. 

Eddie had been jittery all day, knowing he needed to have this conversation with Buck. He had rehearsed it several times; how Buck didn’t need to try and sweep him off his feet or leave him little notes, because he was fine without it. He needed to say it without upsetting Buck or coming off like a jerk.

“Daddy.” Eddie looked away from the clock, which he was watching nervously. “Are you okay?”

“Of course buddy.” Eddie walked over to his son and squatted down. 

“You look upset,” The nine-year-old noted. “And you keep staring at the clock.”

“I’m just waiting for Buck to get here.” Christopher nodded and smiled. 

“Everything’s better when Buck’s here.” Eddie sighed and kissed his son’s head. He adored how much Christopher loved Buck. Which was another reason why he had to be careful with this conversation. Eddie was about to say something when he heard the door open. 

“Diaz boys!”

“Buck!” Eddie straightened as his son called for Buck. He turned towards the door and smiled when he saw his boyfriend. His smile faltered a little when he saw what was in Buck’s hands. One hand was holding a pizza box, which was normal for movie night. 

The other hand held a bouquet for flowers.

He stared at those flowers, a discomfort rising in his chest. Anyone else would’ve seen it as sweet. But Eddie didn’t need flowers. He didn’t want them. He swallowed and looked away as Chris ran over to Buck. 

“Hey Superman!” Eddie gripped the counter, trying to calm himself. He had to say this correctly. He knew how easily the wrong words could upset Buck. 

“Those are pretty! Are they for Daddy?”

“They are.” Eddie sucked in a breath, still not facing them. Buck must’ve noticed, because when he spoke next, his voice was much quieter. “Why don’t you put those in the vase in the living room?”

“Okay!” He heard the tapping of Christopher’s crutches as he left the room. 

“Eddie?” He felt Buck’s hand on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“You got me flowers.”

“Yeah?” Buck’s voice was full of confusion. “The ones I got you last week died. I wanted to replace them, since you didn’t water them.”

“I didn’t want them in the first place!” Eddie spun around to face Buck. He quickly saw how his words affected Buck. But he just kept talking. “I don’t want the flowers. I don’t need them.”

“I’m just trying to show you how much I love you.” Buck’s voice sounded broken when he spoke.

“And I just need you to slow down.” As soon as the words left Eddie’s mouth, he regretted them. Buck’s face broke into a frown, his eyes growing red with tears. “Buck, I-” But Buck just shook his head. 

“If you need me to slow down, then I’m going home.” Eddie reached for Buck’s hand to stop him, but Buck was already out the door. Eddie leaned back against the counter. This was not how he wanted this conversation to go. 

“Daddy?” He turned his head, to see Christopher standing in the doorway of the kitchen. “Where did Buck go?”

“He wasn’t feeling well.” Christopher frowned. “Let’s just have pizza and watch a movie okay?” Christopher, sometimes too wise for his age, simply nodded and headed back into the living room. And Eddie sighed. 

He had horrendously messed up.

* * *

Buck wouldn't answer his texts or calls. Eddie had texted him ten minutes after he left, before he tucked Christopher in, and before he went to bed. All of them went unanswered. It was clear Buck was upset with him, which Eddie understood. But he wanted to make it right. 

When he woke up, he immediately checked his phone. Instead of a text from Buck, there was one from Maddie. 

_ You’re an idiot. _

And Eddie sighed because yes, yes he was. He put his phone down and let his head drop against the pillow. 

He hadn’t meant to blow up at Buck. He had meant to calmly tell Buck that he didn’t always need the notes and the flowers. He had wanted to tell Buck that he was just happy having Buck around, spending the night with him, waking up with him. 

But of course, he had put both feet in his mouth and upset Buck. God, he was an idiot.

“Daddy?” He glanced at the door, seeing Christopher standing there. 

“Hey mijo.” Christopher made his way over to the bed and Eddie scooped him up, so that he was sitting up and Christopher was next to him on the bed. Eddie pressed a kiss to his son’s head as Christ hugged his side. “I guess you decided to be my alarm clock this morning.” Christopher just looked up at him, concern in his eyes. “Mijo, what’s wrong?”

“Is Buck okay?” Eddie sighed and Christopher frowned. “He never misses movie night and he left really quickly yesterday. Is he okay Daddy?” Eddie just hugged Christopher, sometimes wondering how he had such a caring and wonderful son, while he was so horrible at expressing himself. 

“I don’t know buddy,” Eddie said, gently. “But, I think I have an idea to make him feel better. If you’re interested in helping me.” Christopher nodded and Eddie smiled. He had an idea working in his head, to fix his mistake. 

He just had to hope Buck was willing to listen.

* * *

“You texted him?” Buck was standing in his apartment, staring at his sister. He had been upset last night after what Eddie had said and had called Maddie. He had tried to be calm, but had ended up breaking down and crying to his big sister over the phone. Maddie, being the amazing sister she was, had shown up at Buck’s apartment with food and board games, telling him she was spending the day with him. 

While he appreciated it, he had been upset the whole day. It was hard not too. Eddie’s words were still ringing in his head.  _ Slow down _ . What did that even mean? Was Eddie not happy with their relationship? Was he going to break up with Buck if Buck didn’t back off? He didn’t know and all of it made him sick to his stomach. He couldn’t lose Eddie.

He had been expressing that to Maddie, when his older sister let slip that she had texted Eddie earlier. 

“He hurt my little brother,” Maddie pointed out. “Buck, you were a mess last night because of him being an idiot. So I told him that.”

“Maddie.” Buck let his head fall to the table.

“Buck, Eddie doesn’t get to treat you like that because you love him,” Maddie said and Buck looked up at her. “You have a big heart and you put your all into everything. If he’s not going to appreciate that-”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Buck said, a fearful look in his eye. Maddie sighed. She was about to say something when there was a knock at the door. Buck quickly went to the door, wanting out of this conversation. 

He was a little startled to see Christopher and Eddie at the door. 

“Buck!” Buck smiled and squatted down, pulling Christopher into a hug. 

“What are you doing here buddy?” Buck asked, not daring to look at Eddie.

“Daddy said you left yesterday because you weren’t feeling well.” Buck tried not to frown at that. “So we decided to help you feel better! We brought food from Abuela and can watch movies until you feel better.” Buck straightened up and glanced at Eddie. His boyfriend was wearing an apologetic smile and Buck frowned, before letting them in. 

“Hi Maddie!” Maddie smiled as Christopher made his way over to her. “Are you here helping Buck feel better too?”

“I sure am.” She ruffled the boy’s hair, her eyes over his head, sending a glare at Eddie. Eddie just stayed by the door, surprised at this very angry side of Maddie. “But I should let you take over, huh?” Christopher nodded as Maddie stood up. She walked over to Buck and hugged him, whispering something in his ear. As she passed by Eddie, she gave him one more look. 

“I still think you’re an idiot,” Maddie said, just loud enough for Eddie to hear. Eddie didn’t say anything as she walked out of the apartment. 

And then it was just the three of them.

He could feel Buck watching him, almost deciding if he should say something. But then his eyes fell on Christopher and a smile crossed his face. 

“So food that Abuela made?” Christopher nodded. “Well I guess we should enjoy it while it’s fresh.” Christopher nodded, pulling himself into a seat at the dining room table. Buck walked over to Eddie, who was holding the bag with the food in it. 

“Buck.”

“Not now.” He took the bags and walked into the kitchen. Eddie let out a long sigh. So, his plan wasn’t going great. But he still had the rest of the night. 

He was going to make this right.

* * *

They were sitting on the couch, some hours later, watching a movie. Buck had avoided any possible conversations, talking to Christopher about the food Abuela made, about school, about literally anything that kept the nine-year-old talking. 

Now, however, Christopher was fast asleep between them, his head curled against Buck’s side. Now, there was no excuse for them not to talk. Now, was the chance for Eddie to make everything better. 

“Buck.”

“Is it just me or does the principal in this movie look like Chim?” Eddie frowned. Buck was still avoiding the conversation, even with Christopher asleep.

“Buck.”

“Like I know I should be paying attention to the story and the whole superhero journey-”

“Buck.”

“But man, the resemblance between Spider-Man’s principal and Chimney is uncanny.”

“Buck!” Christopher stirred and Buck huffed. He gently lifted Christopher’s head and stood up, before moving Christopher so he was lying down on the couch. Then he walked over to the kitchen, Eddie following after him. “You haven’t let me talk to you all night.”

“Because I don’t really want to repeat yesterday’s conversation.”

“Buck.” Buck frowned and shook his head. “Just let me explain.” Buck crossed his arms over his chest, but didn’t speak. “I wanted to have this conversation calmly with you. But then you showed up with flowers and I, as Maddie pointed out, was an idiot. Also, quick sidebar, she’s scary when she’s mad.” A smirk crossed Buck’s face and Eddie smiled a little. “When we started dating, we both acknowledged that a lot of what we did was already...we acted like a couple without really acknowledging it. So, when we started dating, I didn’t expect much to change.”

“Okay but it hasn’t changed all that much.” Eddie sighed. 

“The flowers? The notes?”

“You don’t like that?” Buck couldn’t help but frown. “Is that what’s bothering you?”

“It’s all just too fast.”

“And why is that a problem?” Eddie looked at his shoes. How did he explain why this was bothering him? How did he get this out without sounding crazy or hurting Buck? “Eddie, come on. You wanted to talk to me.”

“If we rush into this, if we go too fast…” Eddie looked up at Buck, a sad look on his face. “Buck, I’ve been through this before and it failed so horribly. I can’t put us through that.” Buck stepped closer to him. “I should’ve phrased it better. I shouldn’t have upset you but-”

“You’re bad with emotions.” Eddie nodded. Buck sighed and let his hands come to rest at Eddie’s waist. “Do you know why I leave you those little notes or bring you flowers?” Eddie nodded. “Because I want you to know how important you are to me, how important this relationship is to me. I’m, by no means, an expert at relationships. People leave me and I just...I want this to work.”

Eddie’s hands gently found their way to Buck’s face, his thumb gently caressing his cheek. Buck watched Eddie, waiting for a response.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Eddie said gently. “I’m not leaving, even when I get a little spooked or act like an idiot.”

“Promise?” Eddie smiled a little and gently kissed Buck. Buck tugged Eddie closer, pressing their chests together. Eddie knew he was often bad with his words. But this, he could express himself through actions. He bit at Buck’s lower lip, before trying to swallow the moan escaping from Buck’s lips. 

He pulled away, almost chuckling at the pout on Buck’s face when he did. But as he looked at Buck, at those shining blue eyes. And then he felt it, that thing he had been afraid to feel, that thing he couldn’t voice to Buck, even though Buck hadn’t been afraid to say it. He kissed Buck again, letting his forehead rest against Buck’s.

“I love you.” Buck looked into his eyes, searching them for something.

“You don’t have to-” Eddie shook his head and stepped back, his hands falling away from Buck’s face. 

“Buck I’m not just saying it,” Eddie said. “I mean it. I love you. I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.” Buck reached for Eddie’s shirt, pulling him back towards him, and kissed him senseless. Eddie’s hand grasped the nape of Buck’s neck, tugging a little at the hair there.

“Glad you finally caught up,” Buck said, pulling away just enough to speak. Eddie chuckled before pulling him back in for another kiss. He was sure it would’ve heated up more, had it not been for their little interruption.

“Dad?” Eddie pulled away and glanced at the couch. He sighed when he saw Christopher stirring. 

“Duty calls.”

“Stay the night?” Eddie smiled and took Buck’s hand, giving it a squeeze. 

“There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”


End file.
